Once upon a time, I wanted to work in the media world (for reasons, I'm still not sure) and I wanted to be things such as a director or a scriptwriter. There were several problems with those aspirations. 1) I didn't know how to direct. 2) I hated writing scripts. And finally, 3) I wasn't happy in media. College education was good fun, I enjoyed the work and had a good time. Media studies felt like an actual career goal, despite the three problems. But, it was something and besides, I only chose college media because I had no clue what to do after school. I didn't do too well in school. I stayed out of trouble, but trouble always seemed to find me, but I was a terrible student. I tried to do the work, but I could never get good marks. That's why my GCSE grades were so poor.
After college, I wasn't even going to go to university, but then I knew that I'd have to find a job and add that to my unknown career goals (I had already kicked script-writing and directing out of the window) I thought I'd best head off to uni so I could get a degree of sorts and keep myself off the unemployment list for two years. And the plan worked, at the expense of my own happiness. University media was nothing like college, in fact, college never prepared me for how boring, empty and tiresome university would be. The work wasn't just boring, but joyless and that's no way to work. So, in between university projects, I worked on my first novel, an American Old West tale called 'The Last Outlaw' which may as well have ripped off my favourite videogame, 'Red Dead Redemption'. I remember it well. Someone at uni asked me how my book was going and I told them that I had reached 40,000 words. Then, a phantom came round, ripped off his rubber glove and slapped me on the face with it. 'Wake up, moron!'
I wanted to be a writer. It was that simple, my career goal, the dream and the way forth into happiness.
And when I finished 'The Last Outlaw', all 75,000 words of it, I leaned back and soaked it all in. 'I guess I can call myself a writer'. Uni dragged on though, but I followed with the knowledge that I'll never have to worry about another stupid short film or documentary project for the rest of my life. I won't have to watch media news or pretend to like films to get by. University should be a place where students go to learn about their chosen careers, it shouldn't be a place where they find out what they actually want to do with their lives. I was a slow learner, school and I never got on, college was more of a place for me to come out of my shell and make friends and uni was a place where I heard 'Literary Solitude' call out my name.
Now, I'm on the unemployment line who goes to the job centre every fortnight, a place that is utterly depressing. And you know what, I'm OK with that. I want to be a writer, and I am writing and I'm doing what I can to get my work out there. Because, even though writing is a lonely undertaking, sometimes stressful and sometimes heart-breaking (when you get rejected), there's nothing quite like it. I like to be alone, I always have done and writing (the more I think about it) was always there for me even through school. My best subject was English, the only one I got a GCSE in. It's a job that allows you to write in your pyjamas if you want to, you can do it whenever you like and now when people ask me what I do, I tell them with confidence that 'I'm a writer'.
And above everything else, it's bloody good fun and that's what matters. Trying to be happy.
Songs of the Week:
- 'Retro City' by Adventure Club
- 'Lullabies' by Yuna (Adventure Club Remix)
- 'Rise and Fall' by Adventure Club (Kannamix Remix)
- 'Blackwater Park' by Opeth
- 'Burning Snowflakes' by Mr Suicide Sheep
- 'Nostalgia' by Fracture Design