School sucked, it did for a lot of us. For some reason lately, I've been thinking about school and maybe how my life could have changed if I knew what I wanted to do, or if I was born with a few more brain cells and an ability work out two plus two without the aid of my fingers. It's a common theme in my book I'm editing (instead it's about university) so I guess that's why I've been thinking about it. It would be silly to blame it all on the school system, that's a cop-out people use who aren't willing to look at themselves and discover it was them who screwed up. It wouldn't hurt though if teachers, students and the entire thing itself could behave itself. Ironic, huh? Maybe not. Pressure about the future, making something of yourself and getting the best grades dominate our school lives, it's too much.
Schoolhouse Rules
I was bullied at school, a lot. Not quite sure why. Maybe they sensed that trouble seemed to find me wherever I went, and not just from getting punched either. I was accident-prone as well, always getting hurt and putting myself in dumb situations to see what would happen. Only now I realized I had little to no sense of self-preservation at school. It's not just American schools (at least in movies anyway), but English schools have their gangs as well, or cliques. I was one of the outsiders, I played video games at home and kept away from the crowds. People treated me like a simpleton for no reason, so that's what I did. I kept quiet, and tried to stay the hell away from trouble. I know, I know, this sounds like just about every kid who hated school, but I'm convinced its why I never did well. If the students saw an idiot and a failure, then maybe they were right? Why should I waste the teacher's time and try to work out if Maximilien de Robespierre was a hero or a villain? Why should I try and work out a formula in science class or decipher the hidden meanings in 'Of Mice and Men'?
That's the thing, English class was the only class I felt remotely confident in. I've said it before, but I enjoyed English and I got my only GCSE from school in it. I later retook maths in college to get that grade too. English and maths- the two gods of learning. I remember studying 'Of Mice and Men' and writing those essays and I remember enjoying it. Sure, loads of the students kicked up a fuss about reading and whatnot, but for once I didn't care about them. I just wanted to sit quietly and learn. Sadly, once English was done for another day, it was back to the misery of other lessons. It still amazes me that I never capitalized on my love for literature back then, why the hell didn't I realize I wanted to write back in school? It pisses me off that I missed out, but I needn't worry about such things because I know now, I've known for years and done something about it. That's what counts.
That's the thing, English class was the only class I felt remotely confident in. I've said it before, but I enjoyed English and I got my only GCSE from school in it. I later retook maths in college to get that grade too. English and maths- the two gods of learning. I remember studying 'Of Mice and Men' and writing those essays and I remember enjoying it. Sure, loads of the students kicked up a fuss about reading and whatnot, but for once I didn't care about them. I just wanted to sit quietly and learn. Sadly, once English was done for another day, it was back to the misery of other lessons. It still amazes me that I never capitalized on my love for literature back then, why the hell didn't I realize I wanted to write back in school? It pisses me off that I missed out, but I needn't worry about such things because I know now, I've known for years and done something about it. That's what counts.
Face Tomorrow
And do you know what hurts the most? School made me who I am, a lot of it anyway. I'm convinced that people can't change and we're born as someone and that's who we are forever, but school did open my eyes to how cruel and selfish we can be. Kids are mean, and more often that not the worst of the bunch get what they want for some reason. My school friends (I use that word loosely) used to tell me cheer up and stop being so miserable, but they made no effort to find out why I was like that. Hell, I'm still like that, but it's letting up. I've got a job I'm good at, I'm doing what I want to do which is writing stories and reading stories, and I'm achieving independence. Confidence is king and I've never had it before, but I'm getting closer. I'd never wear shades before, and I'd never go food shopping alone either, until recently.
As the 'Avril Lavigne' song 'Darlin' goes, 'face tomorrow, tomorrow's not yesterday', and it's true. School really sucked and college brought me back. Life goes on and everybody suffers one way or another, and I guess you've got to find something to live for. Otherwise, what's the point? Sorry for the miserable post, it's just been on my mind. That's all.
Normal bookish posts will go on as normal.
Songs of the Week:
As the 'Avril Lavigne' song 'Darlin' goes, 'face tomorrow, tomorrow's not yesterday', and it's true. School really sucked and college brought me back. Life goes on and everybody suffers one way or another, and I guess you've got to find something to live for. Otherwise, what's the point? Sorry for the miserable post, it's just been on my mind. That's all.
Normal bookish posts will go on as normal.
Songs of the Week:
- 'Don't you (Forget About Me)' by Simple Minds
- 'All the Things She Said' by Simple Minds
- 'Bridges' by Rise Against
- 'People Live Here' by Rise Against
- 'Survive' by Rise Against
- 'Another World' by No Limits
- 'If You' by Skrux
- 'State of Trust' by Dark Tranquility
- 'Innocence' by Avril Lavigne
- 'Fall to Pieces' by Avril Lavigne
- 'Night Time' by The XX
- 'Dressed to Fuck' by The Killing Tree
- 'Superman' by Lazlo Bane