I for one have thought many a time what I would do when the inevitable zombie plagues hits our happy little planet. Are zombies real or just impossible science? Who knows, but that won't matter when Z-Day dawns upon us. The creative world must believe so too since there are hundreds of the damned movies, video-games and books and do you really think they write them just for larks? Nope. They're training us for when the flesh-eaters come and by god if I haven't taken notice. So, I thought why not jot down what I'd do based on what I've seen in media and what I've seen others do? I've played enough zombie games to have some inkling as to what I might do. But, who knows. Maybe I'll be the first one to die or maybe I could be the carrier. YOU. JUST. DON'T. KNOW.
Now, I'm writing under the idea of what I think I'd do. Who knows if it's actually an accurate assessment of my character. Since I've not lived through an apocalypse yet, I don't know if my 'end-times' me is a brave one or sociopath. Maybe there should be a boot camp for aspiring survivalists . Your theory could be zombie books like 'World War Z', you could play games like Tell-Tale's 'The Walking Dead' and 'Left 4 Dead' to understand zombie situations and to see how your character fares in terms of heroics and cowardice and you could learn to craft weapons. Why hasn't anybody done this yet?
Now, I'm writing under the idea of what I think I'd do. Who knows if it's actually an accurate assessment of my character. Since I've not lived through an apocalypse yet, I don't know if my 'end-times' me is a brave one or sociopath. Maybe there should be a boot camp for aspiring survivalists . Your theory could be zombie books like 'World War Z', you could play games like Tell-Tale's 'The Walking Dead' and 'Left 4 Dead' to understand zombie situations and to see how your character fares in terms of heroics and cowardice and you could learn to craft weapons. Why hasn't anybody done this yet?
Zed Rule #1) Lone Wolf
If games like 'Left 4 Dead' have taught me anything, it's that people slow you down. Sure, they can help you with the hordes and help you out of sticky situations, but what they are at the end of the day is baggage. They just hold you down and create problems where problems shouldn't exist. Look at the TV show, 'The Walking Dead' with the brilliantly named cast known as 'the group'. Always arguing, bickering and then you end up stuck with a one-track wannabe samurai who won't talk or a kid who think's he earns the right to call himself a man because he ends up eating chocolate pudding on a roof while his dad's comatose, again. Don't settle for spanners like 'The Walking Dead' group when you could work alone. And for crying out loud, don't cheat on your best friend's wife in the dark days. That'll cause all kinds of problems. Mind you, working alone does open you up to other issues such as loneliness and before you know it, you're talking to a volleyball. I know 'Castaway' isn't a zombie movie, but I think the point holds validity. I know I'd rather survive alone, especially if the zombies run. Good god I hope they don't run. But, it's a judgement call. If you're going to team up, do so with people you trust. No brainer.
Zed Rule #2) Don't Catch Religion
In 'The Walking Dead' show, in one episode, Herschel believes god has a plan to cure the dead and rid the plague. Aside from that awful idea, he also lures zombies into his barn and freaking feeds them! Don't feed the problem! Anyway, his thoughts are clouded because the supernatural being he believes in can save him when it was god that made the monsters in the first place (according to him). Well, something like that. Basically, the world is full of man-eaters and the last thing you need to do is find god when it's pretty clear that the apparent 'all-loving' phenomenon has gotten sick of mankind. Find bacon and water, don't find religion. Plus, if you catch religion, you're more likely to go insane and insanity is never good. Much like the priest in 'Left 4 Dead' who rings the church bell well yelling 'Ding dong! Dinner time, come and get it!' So don't do that. If anything, whack a zombie with a bible, it's thick enough to do some damage, or cross pendents maybe to stab them if nothing else is at hand. You've got to use what you can in the apocalypse. Which brings me on to point three.
Zed Rule #3) Sticks and Stones Will Break Zombies' Bones
This is England, guns are hard to come by and not all of us can break into the police station and nick their riot gear. Although, if you can, absolutely do that. No, in a lot of zombie games like 'Dead Island' and 'Dead Rising', the player can craft weapons with various bits and bobs found in the dilapidated streets of wherever they are. I recommend something sharp and long maybe. Although, I'd like something like twin hatchets, easy to use and can reduce a zombie to chum instantly. Get outfitted quickly, happily these days most things you find can hurt somebody so you should have no trouble finding a weapon. Mind you, if the zombies are like the ones in the '28 Later' films then any infected DNA that touches you will make you turn. So, maybe getting close to a zombie to cut him open isn't a good a idea. If that is the case, then maybe invest in some kind of throwing contraption or just run like hell. If you can get your hands bloody without a reanimation then go nuts, get close... but not too close.
Zed Rule #4) Your Boots Were Made for Running
I like sitting down, I don't have a gym membership. I don't eat loads and if anything, I'm probably underweight. That said, GODDAMN IT, RUN! It's the apocalypse, no need to care about being a wimp. You've been given a free pass to be a wuss. If it saves your life then it's smart. Sometimes, the horde grows and you're face to face with a swarm you couldn't possibly fight through. So you shake a leg. If the zombies walk then you should be OK, but if they sprint, maybe that gym membership turned out to be a good idea. Anyway, always run if it's the better option. Which may cause problems if you're in a group. Then you may get done in for being selfish or leaving others to die. 'Left 4 Dead' nailed this with it's co-op play sometimes, the best thing to do is indeed run.
Zed Rule #5) Gimme Shelter
A stones throw away from my house lies a supermarket. 'Oh, a good place to hide out.' WRONG! Chances are people will be there too and what about the staff? They might be infected and anyway, tons of people will go for the supplies and chances are things will get violent. Thanks to the source material out there, it's pretty much fact that the apocalypse makes us all crazy and before you know it, the neighbour you thought you liked is lobbing tin cans at you. I say lob them back. Anyway, find somewhere to hole out, preferably somewhere well hidden, well fortified and if possible, mobile. You won't be able to stay in one place too long. Zombies may be stupid, but they still catch on. And the living will probably find you eventually.
If games like 'Left 4 Dead' have taught me anything, it's that people slow you down. Sure, they can help you with the hordes and help you out of sticky situations, but what they are at the end of the day is baggage. They just hold you down and create problems where problems shouldn't exist. Look at the TV show, 'The Walking Dead' with the brilliantly named cast known as 'the group'. Always arguing, bickering and then you end up stuck with a one-track wannabe samurai who won't talk or a kid who think's he earns the right to call himself a man because he ends up eating chocolate pudding on a roof while his dad's comatose, again. Don't settle for spanners like 'The Walking Dead' group when you could work alone. And for crying out loud, don't cheat on your best friend's wife in the dark days. That'll cause all kinds of problems. Mind you, working alone does open you up to other issues such as loneliness and before you know it, you're talking to a volleyball. I know 'Castaway' isn't a zombie movie, but I think the point holds validity. I know I'd rather survive alone, especially if the zombies run. Good god I hope they don't run. But, it's a judgement call. If you're going to team up, do so with people you trust. No brainer.
Zed Rule #2) Don't Catch Religion
In 'The Walking Dead' show, in one episode, Herschel believes god has a plan to cure the dead and rid the plague. Aside from that awful idea, he also lures zombies into his barn and freaking feeds them! Don't feed the problem! Anyway, his thoughts are clouded because the supernatural being he believes in can save him when it was god that made the monsters in the first place (according to him). Well, something like that. Basically, the world is full of man-eaters and the last thing you need to do is find god when it's pretty clear that the apparent 'all-loving' phenomenon has gotten sick of mankind. Find bacon and water, don't find religion. Plus, if you catch religion, you're more likely to go insane and insanity is never good. Much like the priest in 'Left 4 Dead' who rings the church bell well yelling 'Ding dong! Dinner time, come and get it!' So don't do that. If anything, whack a zombie with a bible, it's thick enough to do some damage, or cross pendents maybe to stab them if nothing else is at hand. You've got to use what you can in the apocalypse. Which brings me on to point three.
Zed Rule #3) Sticks and Stones Will Break Zombies' Bones
This is England, guns are hard to come by and not all of us can break into the police station and nick their riot gear. Although, if you can, absolutely do that. No, in a lot of zombie games like 'Dead Island' and 'Dead Rising', the player can craft weapons with various bits and bobs found in the dilapidated streets of wherever they are. I recommend something sharp and long maybe. Although, I'd like something like twin hatchets, easy to use and can reduce a zombie to chum instantly. Get outfitted quickly, happily these days most things you find can hurt somebody so you should have no trouble finding a weapon. Mind you, if the zombies are like the ones in the '28 Later' films then any infected DNA that touches you will make you turn. So, maybe getting close to a zombie to cut him open isn't a good a idea. If that is the case, then maybe invest in some kind of throwing contraption or just run like hell. If you can get your hands bloody without a reanimation then go nuts, get close... but not too close.
Zed Rule #4) Your Boots Were Made for Running
I like sitting down, I don't have a gym membership. I don't eat loads and if anything, I'm probably underweight. That said, GODDAMN IT, RUN! It's the apocalypse, no need to care about being a wimp. You've been given a free pass to be a wuss. If it saves your life then it's smart. Sometimes, the horde grows and you're face to face with a swarm you couldn't possibly fight through. So you shake a leg. If the zombies walk then you should be OK, but if they sprint, maybe that gym membership turned out to be a good idea. Anyway, always run if it's the better option. Which may cause problems if you're in a group. Then you may get done in for being selfish or leaving others to die. 'Left 4 Dead' nailed this with it's co-op play sometimes, the best thing to do is indeed run.
Zed Rule #5) Gimme Shelter
A stones throw away from my house lies a supermarket. 'Oh, a good place to hide out.' WRONG! Chances are people will be there too and what about the staff? They might be infected and anyway, tons of people will go for the supplies and chances are things will get violent. Thanks to the source material out there, it's pretty much fact that the apocalypse makes us all crazy and before you know it, the neighbour you thought you liked is lobbing tin cans at you. I say lob them back. Anyway, find somewhere to hole out, preferably somewhere well hidden, well fortified and if possible, mobile. You won't be able to stay in one place too long. Zombies may be stupid, but they still catch on. And the living will probably find you eventually.
I think that covers pretty much everything. If there's one group of people who'll survive the most, I reckon it's gamers. They've been in training for years. Anyway, who knows, this is what I think I'd do but it could be entirely different. Beneath all of these words, I'm still human. Maybe I'll make a rookie mistake and I'll join the undead ranks. Hope not.
Songs of the Week:
- 'Statues' by The Eden Project ft. Leah Kelly
- 'Still' by Daughter
- 'Human' by Daughter
- 'Smoke' by Daughter
- 'Drift' by Daughter
- 'Intro' by The XX
- 'Progressive House Mix' by MixHound