This post may feel like one of those flashback episodes from sitcoms. You know the ones where the writers can’t be bothered to think of a story so they create a reason for the cast to reflect on days past. I’m kind of in a reflecting mood. So, where did I come from? I’m so used to being a writer, I often forget how it all started, what was that one moment that prompted me into writing? It’s dull, but there wasn’t that one moment that crystallized my future ambitions. There have been clues, though. Hopefully, writing this won’t plunge me in a pit of despair at my lack of progress.
What I Became
The first real writing moment I can remember dates back in Year 9, so… I guess I was about fourteen? Anyway, I was in English class and our assignment was to write the first three or so pages of a novel. I decided to adapt one of my favourite videogames, Manhunt into a story. I did so with enthusiasm, and since I knew the game so well, I had all the details in my head so I had the three pages done in no time at all. I even remember one of the comments my teacher wrote on the first page. ‘Excellent opening line!’ I can’t remember if there was an exclamation mark or not. After that I continued to write it, interested to know if it would play out any differently to the game. It did, as it turns out. I gave characters more screen time, and I even attempted a sequel which I never finished. Probably a good thing. But, I still remember that as a vital sign that I was going to be a writer. I’ve always made up stories, and I always planned books and made tons of notes about characters. The planning is always a fun thing to do, but writing the damn thing is a whole lot harder and time consuming. Small wonder why I had so much trouble finishing anything.
Fast forward to college and I started writing fan-fiction on the game Borderlands. There’s a theme here. I love the Borderlands universe, and I wanted to explore parts of the game rarely seen and see what would happen. I actually finished three Borderlands stories, ranging from ten chapters to thirty. I started displining myself into writing every day and punching out chapters every day, but I never edited any of them, somehow convinced they were fine as they were. You don’t need to tell me how dumb I was then. I love editing novels, but back then I didn’t bother for whatever reasons. Fan-fiction, though lost its spark, and I later forgot about writing anything else. In college I also wrote loads of songs, but I stopped once I reached university since I couldn’t ever believe I could make myself a singer-songwriter. Next stop: university, a place I never liked. And what did I find myself doing to replace working? Writing my very first novel, a western. I finished the first draft with 75,000 words and I never edited it either. Why? I didn’t believe I could become an author. It took another two novels to prove to myself that this is what I should be doing, and after I read John Green’s books, I realized that writing young adult fiction is what I was meant to do. Since then, I’ve written two YA novels, all edited as best as I can make them, and chasing the dream to become a published author.
Fast forward to college and I started writing fan-fiction on the game Borderlands. There’s a theme here. I love the Borderlands universe, and I wanted to explore parts of the game rarely seen and see what would happen. I actually finished three Borderlands stories, ranging from ten chapters to thirty. I started displining myself into writing every day and punching out chapters every day, but I never edited any of them, somehow convinced they were fine as they were. You don’t need to tell me how dumb I was then. I love editing novels, but back then I didn’t bother for whatever reasons. Fan-fiction, though lost its spark, and I later forgot about writing anything else. In college I also wrote loads of songs, but I stopped once I reached university since I couldn’t ever believe I could make myself a singer-songwriter. Next stop: university, a place I never liked. And what did I find myself doing to replace working? Writing my very first novel, a western. I finished the first draft with 75,000 words and I never edited it either. Why? I didn’t believe I could become an author. It took another two novels to prove to myself that this is what I should be doing, and after I read John Green’s books, I realized that writing young adult fiction is what I was meant to do. Since then, I’ve written two YA novels, all edited as best as I can make them, and chasing the dream to become a published author.
What I'll Become
I was always troubled with ambition. Hard work scared me and not knowing what the hell to do with my life created countless sleepless nights with anxiety as to where I might be this time next year. I still get that now, I’ll be honest. The future is terrifying, and when you can’t see one, it’s even worse. A lot of us writers suffer from unbelief and anxiety, we have every right to. We’re just new voices looking for a home, and there is so much competition out there, but we’re all in this together. Success stories actually spur me on, and motivate to get on with things, and if I fail, then I pick myself up and try again. The teen in me wouldn’t have even tried once, but the adult that I am isn’t going to stop trying. There have been so many times where I’ve wanted to give up, and that’s not just with writing. But, I’ve come to believe that yes, you can make it if you want it and things will get better no matter what they are.
Looking at where I am now, and where I’ve come from, I’m still amazed. No, I’m not a roaring success, or even a whisper, but that doesn’t matter. I’m making moves, I’m moving forward. Short stories are going out to those who want them, and yes, there are loads of rejections, but that’s how it goes. How many times was I rejected for a job until I found one I love? I can’t remember the number. So, if I have to go through that again to chase the dream I’ve always wanted, then I’ll do that. Gladly. I’ll jump in the river with everybody else, and one day we’ll all crawl out to the destination we’ve been searching for. You just can’t give up.
Songs of the Week:
Looking at where I am now, and where I’ve come from, I’m still amazed. No, I’m not a roaring success, or even a whisper, but that doesn’t matter. I’m making moves, I’m moving forward. Short stories are going out to those who want them, and yes, there are loads of rejections, but that’s how it goes. How many times was I rejected for a job until I found one I love? I can’t remember the number. So, if I have to go through that again to chase the dream I’ve always wanted, then I’ll do that. Gladly. I’ll jump in the river with everybody else, and one day we’ll all crawl out to the destination we’ve been searching for. You just can’t give up.
Songs of the Week:
- 'Sad Machine' by Porter Robinson
- 'Alone for a Second' by FadeX
- 'Mercy' by Rimshox
- 'Light of Dawn' by CMA ft. Electus
- 'Black' by Pete Yorn
- 'Methadone' by Rise Against
- 'Jupiter' by The Eden Project
- 'Intro' by The XX